Tag: writing

Clearing the Webs

Vastu Tips: Know why spider's web is considered inauspicious and should be cleaned immediately | Astrology News – India TV
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I envy people who continue to write consistently through difficult or stressful or overly busy times. In fact, I am grateful for those then and now who are documenting not only the current events that are of historic proportion here in our country (and the world as well) but also their insightful emotional responses to them.

I have not been able to muster the creative energy to sit down and concentrate in a very long time. Certainly, moving to a new region that is vastly different from where I used to live has been the number one contributing factor to the scarcity of my posts and even my journal writing. It truly is harder for me to write because of where I live. Heat. Sun. Population Density. Traffic. Sirens. Not enough natural spaces. Not feeling grounded. A dearth of inspiration for sure. I really didn’t want to risk my posts becoming one long lament. Moreover, until May, I had a teaching position that consumed most of my days and ALL of my creativity. It was impossible for me to give any of it to myself when I needed it to create curriculum.

When I was not stuck in traffic or working weekends grading papers and creating lesson plans, I was (and am) utterly distracted by the continued destruction of our country since the 2016 election (and there is a strong argument to be made that it actually has been decades in the making). I soon found myself writing posts of a political nature when my site’s mission really was focused on how I overcame abuse and found my voice again. Don’t get me wrong, I am a political animal (it was my college major) but I really haven’t wanted to directly address specific issues given the general proclivity towards rude behavior and abuse that occurs all over social media and the news.

Then the pandemic hit. I found myself retreating further and further from interacting with others even after lockdown orders were lifted. Everything I have experienced with our local (Florida) response brought me back to my abusive marriage. The lies, manipulation and callous disregard for people was way too familiar to me. It’s hard to write when you have become an emotional wreck. My focus became survival. How do I cope and stay safe?

Still, I write all of this knowing that my life is blessed. For sure, I am no longer in a situation of personal abuse. More importantly, even though the pandemic has changed our lives and livelihoods, I have far more resources than I had before and have been able to make choices that allow me to advocate for others as well as keep myself healthy. Hopefully, this also will open up enough space to begin regularly writing again. I have missed it!

PS: For those who follow me on Facebook, please note that I have not been able to access my page in a long time from any of my devices. Therefore, I cannot see your comments or likes. Please feel free to comment directly here.

On By buildingalifeofhopeIn Writing3 Comments

Why Write?

On By buildingalifeofhopeIn American Politics, Family, Friendship, Hiking, Home, Independent Woman, Life's Journey, Writing, Yoga2 Comments
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            Courtesy of: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/553802085399155400/

        Since moving to a new state 3 and 1/2 years ago, I have found it difficult to tap into my creative outlet on a regular basis.  Lately, I have wondered why- given that my life is filled with less responsibilities and a bit more time in which to write. I have moved away from the near daily reminders of my past into a space where I can build a whole new life for myself. Perhaps my expectations were too great. Reality has a way of biting into those beliefs, forcing a change to my mindset. So, what’s changed? A close examination bears the following: my job as a teacher pulls and drains at the energy required for such a task beyond the work day.  Each year my school community has challenged me with a new class to teach. The trust placed in me to create (yes!) another new course with its accompanying curriculum is both an honor and a burden, given the high expectations (there’s that word again!) that I place upon myself. I wouldn’t have it any other way, either.  When I moved here, it was important for me to cultivate a community-not necessarily replicate the one I left but it needed to come close. My work environment fits the bill.  It is a place of love and support and laughter as well as being intellectually stimulating.  And herein lies another obstacle to my creativity-a draining commute! I find the endless traffic lights and the strip mall landscape and multi-lane roads unbearable. The lack of investment in modern and efficient public transportation here borders on the ridiculous (no, it is ridiculous!).  There is no time of day when traffic is not heavy.  Local and state leaders truly have not had (and I would argue still do not have) the gumption and vision to move forward in this area. The only exception may be the desire to build highways in rural areas, which is nothing but a blatant attempt to further develop an already over developed fragile ecosystem whose drinking water problems may very well be the death of us. And given the fact that one has to travel over large bodies of water in order to get from point A to point B-not only to get to work or other destinations, but to also evacuate-you would think that this would be taken into account. But I live in a heads- in- sand-state; so again, I have lowered my expectations of things changing anytime soon. For now I have found a route home that is tolerable and calming for the most part.

 After a day spent teaching and a drive spent being grateful for not getting into an accident, all I can muster is a yoga workout and then meditation on my mat! Dinner, a bit of wine and a good British murder mystery is how I usually end my day.

Still, there are two things I truly fear most about hitting the keyboards these days. First, that it will be an endless lament about how much I miss my four season home state and the nearby mountains. If I couldn’t get to a higher altitude, I had the woods and hills. THE QUIET. Florence Williams reveals her own writing challenges in her book, The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier and More Creative.  In her introduction, she writes of her family’s move from the majestic mountains of Colorado to the “Anti-Arcadia that is our nation’s capital.” She states: “I yearned for the mountains. I felt disoriented, overwhelmed, depressed.” (p.8)  After reading that bit, I realized that I was not alone; my emotions were validated.  And while I cannot escape the din more regularly, I find myself seeking out the trails in a nearby park. If I turn up my headphones just enough, I can almost not hear the sounds of the sirens that seem to drone on several times within a half-day’s span. Moreover, I head north as much as possible ( five times in 2018!). My soul is fed by time spent with the boys and my closest friends-not to mention mountain hikes and walks in the woods!

     My other fear is that I will devote most of this blog’s posts to the current political climate in our country. When I first started the site nearly 7 years ago, I wanted a space where I could explore and grow my writing as well as offer a forum of hope for anyone who was experiencing an abusive relationship. I wanted to write about my new life in order to convey a message of  triumph and joy and profound appreciation for resisting and overcoming personal tyranny. Well, that is done! But what about the oppression of these past two years? What about the culmination of the hard right turn this country began taking in 1980?  I cannot not write about it.  Writing is an act of resistance that is just as affective as the activist work that I have participated in since November of 2016. Writing clears my mind. Writing raises my voice. Writing sends a message of resistance to the abusive and repressive power structures that seek to quiet us. Writing raises the vibration and gives us energy and hope. So write I will.

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Fairies, Genuises and Other Magic

On By buildingalifeofhopeIn Life's Journey5 Comments

 

Image courtesy of:  www.bbc.com

On Friday afternoon, while writing my latest post, I received a Happy Anniversary notification from WordPress. I had forgotten that I began this blog four years ago with the intent to find a forum that would tap into my love for words and the wish to empower and inspire not only myself, but others.

The last four years have been a journey of self-discovery and self-recovery. Writing has helped me to process the emotional trauma and abuse that I lived with not only in my first marriage, but in its aftermath. I could never have fully and truthfully written about those dark times until they were safely in the past. Most importantly, I discovered that I can write across all genres and subjects, with poetry being one of my favorite ways to express myself.

Interestingly enough, I found the space and time for writing when I had more responsibilities than I do now. I was always juggling bills, home ownership issues, full-time work and being the rock for my sons as they left adolescence and moved forward to young adulthood. At the same time, the pull to create was strong-perhaps stronger than it has been in this past year since I moved away-both literally and figuratively- from my “old life” into this new one. But as think about it, I might not have had an “old life”. Maybe that was my first marriage. Maybe what I call the “old life” was something else. Not a transition to my current life-that would diminish the eight years I spent between marriages. As I probe a bit deeper, I realize the life I was living was one of hope and courage and great emotional challenge. I had to prove to myself that I could live independently, fully, creatively and most of all, joyfully. It was essential for my sons to see this as well-especially that last bit. My former husband wanted nothing but for me- as he said- “to scratch, crawl and suffer”. I didn’t want to prove him wrong; I wanted to take that provocation, that rock in the road, and move it.

I suppose I could have spent the last year writing daily observations of my latest incarnation. But I think that would have gotten in the way of the creative process and transformation that was-and still is-occurring. I needed to be in it just as I needed to be in the dismantling all those years ago.The words needed a sabbatical as I settled into being here. Most importantly, I needed to learn to let go of my boys and trust they would be fine without my daily presence. It has been hard, but we’ve done it.

In a week, I begin to get busy once again. Work and other commitments will pull at my energy. At the same time, I know I have released more of the grief that I was sitting with for the past year. It was a necessary and healthy process. I hear the Writing Fairy knocking on my door once again and I am ready to let her in.

 

 

Hello world!

On By buildingalifeofhopeIn Uncategorized1 Comment

“Writing is about some of our deepest needs: our need to be visible, to be heard, our need to make sense of our lives, to wake up and grow and belong.”-Anne LaMott

Many people have asked me why I wanted to enter the world of blogging. I suppose Anne LaMott’s quote sums it up for me.
As my father says: “There are a million stories out there.”  And it is true!  Real life is stranger than fiction and more true than those banal “reality” shows that dominate the airwaves these days. One of the positive aspects about where I live has been just that-sharing our stories with one another. Sometimes the conversation can last just 2 minutes; sometimes 2 hours. But they are all very deep and very moving.

I also suppose that turning fifty a year ago gave me the experience and wisdom that comes with reaching that age. You certainly get reflective as you begin to  think about your own mortality and the mark that you have so far left upon the world. For some reason, I felt the pull to tell stories, share my views and satisfy this creative urge that I am sure was buried for a long time!

I believe that this new decade of my life is a cause for a daily celebration! I love not worrying whether I am liked or not. I don’t feel the need for approval anymore. I no longer identify myself with another or others. I am ME!!

Happy Reading!